How to Greet the Grassmick's?

Guest Post by Kerri Couillard

If you are planning to attend the Airport Welcome Home Party this Thursday night at the Albuquerque Sunport, you might be wondering what the Grassmicks' wishes are for when they all stumble into our hands.

When you first see them, they would like for their kids that have been here in New Mexico to greet them and have a little mini-family reunion apart from everyone else.  This make take a few minutes or more.  Then their Grandparents will join them and they plan to walk and join their friends.  As you would imagine, they would like to look into each one of their children's eyes and hug them etc. without a big distraction.  This isn't because they don't love you - they do and they do want you there.  Also, don't expect to hold the babies and I know this will be hard.  In time, as they adjust, we will all be able to squeeze them then.

If you haven't been personally invited, I would like to take the opportunity to do so.  Not only is this Airport Welcome Home Party going to support the parents, the children, their grandparents, but it will be recorded for Elsie and Ki for when they grow up.  They can see what lovingly open arms and hearts we all have for them and adoption in general.

If you would like more information and be notified of any delays, please email jasonkerri@gmail.com or call 505-231-8370. Texts are ok too.

We have made many beautiful signs and tshirts to share.  Just come and celebrate the way God Moved Mountains.

We Have An Exit Plan

Each day last week we were told our passports would be ready. So on Friday when we headed to town, my expectations were not high. I was just going to try to enjoy the change of pace of being in town. Joy, Rashid’s wife, drove us and the other family to the passport office. She went in, and us Muzungus waited outside. We were parked under a tree and there was a dirt/grassy area under the trees as well. We strolled and sat and ate.

One of the trickiest parts of this whole deal is that the US Embassy only does certain things on certain days for certain amounts of time. Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 8am to 11:30am, they accept visa paperwork. If you are not signed in by 11:30 then they ask you to come back. The passport guy told us 9:30am, which gave us some fudge room. Rashid had told us that if Joy walked out anytime after 11:00am that we should jump on a boda boda and get to the Embassy. Anytime before 11:00am and Joy would have time to drive us there.

Now a boda boda is a guy on a motorcycle that you pay to get you somewhere quickly. There are thousands of boda bodas sitting around Kampala waiting for someone to hop on. And there are thousands of them weaving in and out of traffic on the road. I LOVED this idea. Jonathan, not so much.

Around 11:00am I was getting antsy and so I decided to do a little prayer-walk. Ki was sleeping on my back so I could here myself think and cry out to God. I wasn’t mad that we didn’t have our passports yet because the peace He had given me at the beginning of the week was lingering. But I was just ready. So I was asking for passports AND peace if we didn’t get them. (I’m learning that peace is way more important than our way in this process.)

As I was nearing the entrance of the passport building I saw Joy round the corner. It was almost ten after eleven. There was a crowd between us so I had time to brace myself for whatever answer she was going to dish out. When we made eye contact, she shook her head no. Sigh. Okay. God is bigger. I can handle this. But I was wondering what the passport guy’s excuse was this time. Last Wednesday and Thursday it was a funeral. Tuesday it was Parliament. Wednesday and Thursday he was in jail. (Yes, you read that correctly.) I was wondering what it would be today. When she caught up to me, I turned around and asked, “Why not?” She was slow to answer but she asked me why I asked. This threw me off a little. I answered with “I don’t know.” But then she asked if Jonathan would get on a boda boda. (She knew his aversion.) I was confused and asked why. “To get to the Embassy!” she said. “Oh, YOU GOT THEM!!!! WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING? DO YOU HAVE THEM OR NOT???” was my reply.

Come to find out she was shaking her head because she thought it was too late because Jonathan wouldn’t get on a boda boda and with the traffic at a stand still, she knew we wouldn’t make it on time. And she also told us later that one of the passports had been printed wrong and so it had to be re-printed and signed again. And Joy was in the office praying, “Your will be done, Your will be done...” over and over. We were all praying that morning.

Okay, so I start jogging to the car to tell the other family to get ready and to tell Jonathan to get the backpack with the paperwork in it. In a moment of clarity, I asked Joy if she could take the kids in the car so we didn’t have to ride with them and she agreed. (Don’t judge that I would have ridden on a boda boda with my babies. You have not seen what I have seen here. I have seen two and three children sandwiched between the driver and another adult. I have seen a kid by himself holding on for dear life to the driver with his head buried in the driver’s back.) So, Joy waved down 4 boda bodas. We practically tossed our kids in the car and jumped on. I told my driver that this was my first time and not to kill me! It was the ride of my life. I LOVED it. There is something about wind in my hair that makes me happy. I now understand why so many people don’t want to hear helmets.

So, we left the passport office at 11:09 and reached the Embassy which was half way across the capital city of Uganda, paid our drivers, checked our bag (you can’t take food, water, electronics, CHAPSTICK, anything but papers into the Embassy), went through security, jogged to the office, and were signing by 11:23am. ROCKIN AWESOME.

We could breathe. We made it. And we had our kids’ passports. Happy Day. We were in there for about 2 hours because there were other adopting families there to drop off paperwork and several families picking up their visas. When we were called in, we went through our paperwork with the lady and schedule our interview. The Embassy only conducts interviews on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. And next week was all booked up. So 2pm Monday, November 26 it is. That gives us time next week to go on Safari and do a little shopping before we have to get back down to business. I was hoping to fly home on Thanksgiving Day, but I’m just going to trust that God has got this still.

So, interview on Monday the 26^th, which means we should be able to pick up our visas on Wednesday at the latest. They need 24 to 48 hours to print them. We are scheduled to hop on a plane that Wednesday night at 11:30pm. That puts us back in Albuquerque around 7:45 Thursday night.

The Wednesday flight makes me a little nervous just because it leaves us very little time for error but there is not flight with KLM on Thursday and the flights on Friday and Saturday are $3000 more A PIECE. Yowzers. And we don’t want to wait longer than that!!! And Jonathan has to get back to work. He gets two weeks of vacation pay a year so we will be 3 weeks in the hole when we get back. (So thankful that his boss was gracious enough to give him the time off to come.) Oh, and did I mention that I CAN’T WAIT to see my sweet New Mexico four!!!

So, pray with us that everything goes well on Monday the 26^th and that our visas are printed quickly.

Once we check that off, you can start begging the Lord with us that our two babies that have constant sinus issues and have never seen a plane full of people (or empty for that matter) and have never used a seat belt will be first-time plane Rock Stars.

Hodge Podge

We are TB free! Both kids passed the medical exams and the files are being sent to the Embassy this afternoon. I’m not sure what their health standards are, but Ki is funky lately. He couldn’t sleep last night because his nose was full and overflowing, which, for a thumb sucker is deadly. Now today he has a frequent cough. We are hoping and praying that we can get these worked out before the plane ride home. We bought more meds today and they seem to be working.

And things seem to be moving well, so for all of you out there praying for 3 weeks, keep it up! Our court ruling is tomorrow. Then we work on passports and then we apply for visas at the Embassy. The one thing that I can think of that might hold the visas up is our financial stuff. Since we work on a ranch and have to live on site, our housing and utilities are part of our compensation package. This in turn makes our salary look small. We have to prove (with tax information) that we make enough money to support our family. Pray that the documentation that describes our compensation package will be enough for the Embassy.

The night we got here Rashid told us that Ki is a miracle baby. He said when he was brought to the orphanage, he was near death. He was almost a year old and couldn’t hold his head up. Rashid said it would have only been a matter of time before he died. Now, after 4 months here, Ki is sitting up and ooching around well. I can’t call it a crawl, but he can move. He likes standing with help now too. Another interesting fact about Ki is that he is an ambidextrous thumb sucker. Shocking. None of my thumb suckers have been able to switch.

We are going to try to go on a safari. I hope we can fit it in somehow. But we also want to get home. We can’t wait to introduce these little ones to our other kids and our family and friends.

The wedding we went to on Saturday would have been super neat if the orphanage workers weren’t there. It was just another sad day for Elsie, but she bounced back pretty quickly. I think we have decided that Jonathan will go to the orphanage without Elsie and me. Then, maybe we can switch. It is hard to balance being here for our children and doing what is best for them and blessing the people and other children here. But I do have a peace about putting Elsie first. Her heart is tender and fragile and we have been given a short time to tend it and we need to make the most of the time we have.

We are sitting outside the medical building right now waiting for another couple to finish up and Jonathan has music playing on his phone. And ELSIE HAS GOT SOUL. Something the Grassmick family severely lacks...until now, that is.

We found out that Ki’s last name is some ancient Ugandan God, and we were going to use those as their new middle names, so we are thinking about changing them. Rashid is trying to figure out what Kafuko means, which is Elsie’s last name. We might just use that for both of them. Here in Uganda you get your last name by what tribe you are from, but each tribe has a hat full of names they can choose from so most of the time, siblings don’t have the same last name.

I think we are out of survival mode now. We are starting to think about what it will be like and what we will do once we get home.

I don’t think we could be on this journey without all of you and your support. Thank you for your part in this amazing story that is unfolding. 

Court From My Eyes

Thanks Jonathan for writing the first post about our first court date. I loved reading the different perspective. I thought that I’d explain the journey from my eyes.

 I never really got nervous about court. I think I just kept going back to: If God has brought us this far; He isn’t going to leave us hanging. So, the day started off like a beautiful normal day in the hillside of Uganda. J We did have to rush around a bit to get ready to leave, because as most of you know, we are not early risers, nor people that leave enough time to get things done. We woke up and got dressed then headed up for breakfast. Jonathan was feeding the kids and a little frustrated that I told him to put on his clothes for the day. Ki is NOT a clean eater and he LOVES to feel his food.....after he has chewed it. J (Jonathan is successfully breaking him of this habit slowly, but surely.) When I walked up stairs, I noticed the modem was back and the power was on and wanted to send the post I had written the night before so you folks back home could pray specifics. So, I came back to our room and grabbed my laptop. But, by the time I had gotten to the table with my food, someone came from the director’s house and took it back. Bummer, I thought, but oh well. So, back down stairs to put my laptop away. As I was walking back up, I heard the horn honk, so I grabbed my pancake and a napkin and we were off.

I had been thinking that is was a little overkill to get here 3 days before our court date but gosh, I’m really glad we had that time to get to know Elsie. We keep saying she is a tough nut to crack. But, by Tuesday morning, she was pretty comfortable with me and not freaking out when sitting next to Taata (which means Daddy in Luganda). We ran a few errands and carrying around a toddler and a backpack proved to be a little sweaty. I kept yelling to Rashid, reminding him of my short legs. He would look back and give a sly smile and chuckle. But, he was slow down to a normal speed for a least a minute or so.

I felt safe while we were out. Jonathan and I were laughing and having fun together. Rashid left us alone at a Mazungu café for a couple of hours, which felt normal, which was nice.

Before he walked away, he told us that he was going to find the birth mom and feed her lunch. She left super early and had a hard journey and hadn’t eaten. He said she felt weak and her heart was pounding. Gosh, what an ordeal for her. She didn’t want any of this. And she hates it all while in the middle of it. But she gets what so many of us don’t....it isn’t about her. She isn’t doing this because it will make her life better. Her life sucks. Her husband most likely fooled around with someone that was HIV positive and once he found out he was infected, he had to tell his wife what he had done. I’m sure that night was hell for her. Oh, and she was pregnant so now she has to worry about the health of her unborn child on top of worrying about how long will she will be able to raise her other children. Thanks, Frank. So, then he dies at or near their home of Malaria. And even when someone you love has wronged you, you hurt when something like this happens. Another terrible day for Pauline. So, she gets on with her life and six months after burying her husband, she gives birth to his last child. But she knows she is HIV positive so she can’t nurse him. And no one is working to provide for her so she can’t feed him. So, the nightmare continues. And after a year she realizes, as her health is fading, that she just can’t do it. She can’t feed them. And even to take care of them is getting tough. She doesn’t want the older kids to miss out on an education because of her story. So, she decides it isn’t about her and what she wants and how she feels. It is about what is best for her children; her older children and her younger children. And so she lets them go. But it isn’t that easy. She isn’t getting rid of them because they are a burden, or she would have just left them by the village trash or just let them wither away. She cares deeply for them and wants for them what she didn’t have and to do that, she has to deny herself. Rashid told me when Pauline gave the kids to him, Elsie cried for days. Pauline knew how precious her daughter was and how much this was going to hurt Elsie, but she did it anyway. Then, she had to come to Kampala to terminate her rights as their parent; a long, hard journey. And this day, she is back again. Tired, broken, hungry, and hurting.

I could see all this in a nano-second when she walked in the waiting room door. Her eyes told me the whole story. She wanted to look at the babies, and wanted to be strong enough NOT to look at the babies. I could see the battle going on inside of her. And it was taking its toll on her fragile soul. I had prepared NO words for this moment. I just motioned to ask if I could hug her. I wanted to take some of her pain. I wanted her to know that she is loved by a family of New Mexicans and that while we can’t make everything okay, we would love these two little people as our own. We hugged and she cried for just a bit and then my focus shifted. It is hard to love two sides of the same coin at the same time. By love, I don’t mean the feeling kind of love. I mean the Jesus kind of love, the kind of love that does and acts and wipes tears away. I wanted to sit with her and hear her story and cry with her. But I couldn’t. I had a broken, whimpering gift in my arms. And if I was to love her the best, I had to walk away.

I sat back in my chair and Elsie’s whimpering escalated to crying. She was trying to look behind us and confirm what she had seen just a few minutes before. I shimmied my shoulders and shifted in my chair. I shushed her and sang to her but her heart was broken. And I knew that Pauline could hear and see it all. Two sides of the coin, both broken. I was in between...praying. It was all I had to offer. As she got louder, she started pushing me away and wouldn’t look into my eyes. I don’t think I will ever understand her pain, but I feel like God gave me a glimpse. I wanted to take it all away. And I knew that in my power I couldn’t. So, I asked the only one powerful enough to come in.

Lord, Elsie is hurting and there is nothing I can do to stop it. She needs You, Holy Spirit, to come and comfort her. I want You to wipe her heart clean and love on her. Be near to Elsie Lord.

I decided to walk out and wander the hallways. We went potty in a not so wonderful bathroom. (It was America-bad, not Uganda-bad. There was a toilet and a place for toilet paper and a sink and mirror.) After she went, I stood her up on the counter and showed Elsie her reflection. She smiled. She was wearing a beautiful dress and a little crocheted sweater and a pink sparkly headband. We played. I showed her how to stick her tongue out and for a moment she forgot her pain. We found a little nook in the hall and I held her and rocked her. She sucked her thumb and went from blank to sad and back to blank a couple of times.

I was so connected to her and how to help her that I was shocked when we got called in. So soon? I hadn’t dwelled on it yet. I thought we would have more time. But the moment had arrived. Pauline sat catty-corner behind us and so Jonathan blocked Elsie’s sight of her birth mom as long as I held her the right way. Most of court was a blur. I wasn’t fully present in court. I was fully present in Elsie’s world. I was keenly aware that I might miss something important but knew Elsie’s heart was my mission. Pauline was called up to talk with the judge. I turned Elsie to face backwards. She kept me on my toes. Pauline spoke very softly, which I was really thankful for. I don’t know what I would have done if her voice was like mine. J Even thought I don’t think I had the presence of mind to pray for her, I know I was hoping that the judge wasn’t being mean. After Pauline, it was my turn. I had to hold Elsie with her back to her birth mom. The judge took his time with stories and questions. He would pause for a good 30 seconds after his story before he asked his question. I just kept my gaze on him and waited. While answering I continued to remember the advice to be short and to the point. He is a man, he is okay with man-sized answers. So, even when I wanted to keep going, I would stop. I remember once even saying out loud, “I’m going to stop there.” It made me feel better somehow to let everyone know I could keep going. Some of his questions were fair and some not so fair, but I shot straight and kept his eyes. My arm, by the end of my turn was ON FIRE. J The lawyer mentioned that we had purchased the certificate from the King’s Palace and the picture of the King, but we forgot it in the car. He said, “That is very unfortunate.” Awesome. But you know, I think even that was from God. While we were buying those things earlier in the day I was thinking that I didn’t want to show off for the judge. My God is our King and He is doing this work. I wanted to be relying on Him, not papers. The judge’s next question was to ask if Jonathan would be leaving soon and letting me finish up by myself here in Uganda. Jonathan responded with such grace and confidence. “No sir, I am staying until the end. This is important to me.” Judge Moses looked up from his writing and grabbed the calendar.

(A little back ground: Of the families that have gone through this judge from this orphanage, they have had to wait between 10 days and 3 weeks for a ruling, I’ve heard. And if you would have seen the post I wrote, but never got to send, you would know that I wanted God to move mountains....again. In my post the night before I asked for you guys to pray for one week. And that is what we got. When he said Tuesday, November 6, I really wasn’t expecting him to be telling us that yet. We had only been in court for 45 minutes. The family that did this before us, spent 2 hours and 45 minutes in the court room. Jonathan hadn’t gone up yet. I was focused on Elsie. She was singing louder than she ever had before. (It was still what we call a whisper-sing, but it was louder.) So, I was confused and when it registered I thought, “Did he say the 16^th or 6^th?” Jonathan confirmed mountains were moved. 1 week. That got my tear ducts going. And we blinked and court was adjourned. Done. I think it shocked me so much that it took me a minute to start packing up and the lawyer basically told us to get out...kindly of coarse.

We fumbled to get our stuff and stand up. Did I mention it was boiling-lava hot in that room? I asked Jonathan to go catch Pauline and get a picture with her but told him I was going to hang back. I sat Elsie down in the hallway and got out some gummy treats. She was waving and smiling at people as they walked by. She was not the same little girl that sat in my lap, broken, only an hour before. We walk-jumped down the stairs and met Jonathan outside. I was full of questions trying to get a sense of things from Jonathan. I was still a little stunned that it was over. Jonathan had to stop me (surprise, surprise) and say “Look! Elsie is twirling.” Elsie was teeth-showing happy. God came in and she hasn’t been the same since. We still have a long way to go, but we have turned a corner. And with God on our side, we are moving forward.