Elsie Joy

It's hard to believe we had no idea who Elsie was this time last year. And it is a bit sad that I have no idea what I was doing 4 years ago today. The day Elsie was born. But, from this year forward I will know what she is doing on March 10 and I will be with her. And we will celebrate her, not just on March 10 but everyday from here on out. She is a smiley little snippet of joy. So many people think we have given her the gift of a family. But, really, she IS the gift. Our family will never be the same. I'm so thankful for that. 

Party with my siblings and cousins

 Presents!

Mommy, Daddy, and Elsie

My First Tricycle!

Sweet Stranger

Jonathan and I took the kids to do a little shopping in Las Vegas today (a little town 25 miles away.) We try not to leave the house on Saturdays since we go to Santa Fe on Sunday, but we needed to stock up on some feed store supplies and Mallette's in Las Vegas is super friendly and has amazing prices. And since we were there I decided we needed to stop at a hardware store, Wal-mart, and The Shoe Dept. And since we did all of that Jonathan was "starving" and wanted to eat while we were out. We ended up in a mid-grade place...not Taco Bell, and not El Fidel (the ritziest place in the town), somewhere in between. The kids were great and we had a pretty good time while each of us licked our plates clean, figuratively of coarse. After the scoops of ice cream that came with the kids' meals, Jonathan went to the register to pay and our waitress scurried over and told the cashier to apply a $20 bill to our total. Someone wanted to lighten our load. Who does that? How sweet.
Before we left, Jonathan asked the waitress about the person who did that for us. She said that it is a family that frequents the place. Jonathan asked her to make sure to thank them the next time they were in.
I'm pretty sure I saw the family that did it. They kept looking over at us and smiling, but I didn't think anything at the time...if I had a quarter for every double take we get...

Expanded Form My Foot

Some days are hard. Today was one of those days. The thing that set things rolling badly was expanded form. And this is not the first bad day I have had over stupid expanded form. Why does is matter that 72,023 = 70,000 + 2,000 + 20 + 3???????? Won't that come later? And why can't my two oldest children get this? We went through the lesson, we made a little craft with different place values, we watched a youtube video and still every single time they tried, they got it wrong. In the middle of the expanded form nightmare, Elsie came out of my room after napping just under an hour.....nope. Back in you go, little girl. And that didn't go over too well so there as screaming and tears. Ki has been in a constant state of fuss lately. We think it is a combo of teething and us not stuffing him every time he eats. This boy is getting chun.key. And he can put away an enormous amount of food. So, we have been trying to give him "normal" portions the past few days. And he ain't happy about it. Anderson was guilty of nothing in the episode because I have been letting him "play" geometry on a Pre-K website. He loves it. Annie was watching Anderson. They were sitting on benches in the school room. She came up to me and told me she had a splinter in her butt. Well, surprise surprise. Annie is the most injured child every to be born on this Earth. At least 47 times a day she walk up to me and shows me her finger, or toe, or gums or...... you get it. IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING. It wasn't a splinter, it was just a little scratch and she wouldn't have had it if she was wearing something more than a leotard! Suck. It. Up. Annie. Oh, and I was in the middle of baking a batch of sandwich rolls, a loaf of bread, a loaf of brioche, and a batch of sweet potato biscuits. Hmm. It is discouraging to think I'm not in a place to be able to "do it all" yet as a mom of these six wonderful kids. Days are pretty okay if I just sit and help them with school and sit and let them come to me. But when I am trying to get stuff done my serotonin turns off. Which is dangerous. And is followed by asking for forgiveness. (Doesn't help that I forgot to take my Seratonin-helping meds last night.)
Having a baby is hard. It was hard several years back when I had one baby after another and it is hard now. There is something about a kid who knows what he wants but has zero ability to let you know what that is. It is hard to have a 3 year that doesn't understand what you are telling her and why she has to go back to bed. Elsie's go-to communication is "Ehehehehehehehehe!" If someone shuts the door she squeaks "eheheheheheheeh." If she wants the light turned on she squeals "eheheheheheheheeh." If she needs to be wiped she whines "eheheheheheehe." Hard.
It is hard be responsible for your children's education. It is hard not having the quiet of kids-are-at-school time. It is hard wanting your family to have good nutritious food to eat. It is hard being on a budget that keeps you from just buying the good-for-you things at Whole Foods. It is hard to deeply feel it every time a kid has a microscopic boo-boo.
I'd say today was the hardest day since we got home. I'd say today as the hardest day in years. Which really is pretty darn good. I'm am so glad that most days aren't like this. And I am so glad that God's mercies are new every morning.

Two Worlds

I feel like since we arrived in Uganda (October 26) I've been living in two very opposite worlds mentally and emotionally. The "I have more than enough and live a spoiled-rotten life" world and the "wow, there is such poverty and sadness within a few degrees of separation from us" world. 

One thing that is continually on Jonathan's and my heart is E and K's biological family. God knit us together and we want to be faithful to them. I know every adoption is different and I think most closed adoptions means no contact with the birth family. But ours is a little different. We feel like God has not just given us 2 beautiful babies to take care of in our home, but also a family literally across the world to love too. And I don't really know what that is going to look like but God is so faithful to direct us. I just hope we hear Him loud and clear. 

Just last week, Jonathan and I decided to send money to Rashid (the orphanage director, pastor, school director) to get a few things done. We emailed him a list of things we want to happen. It is such a blessing to have a man of God on the ground over there willing to help us with this. 

First, it is going to pay for Pauline and her five year old daughter Catherine, who are both HIV positive, to have medical treatment that will give them a better quality of life and hopefully extent their lives, plus transportation to and from the city and some food for the day. This is a monthly payment we are making. If anyone is interested in contributing to this monthly or yearly, please let me know. We are going to try to find a 501-c3 to be the middle man so that your contributions can be tax-deductable. We are going to send $30 a month for this. 

Second, the money will pay for 1 year of education at Rashid's school for her oldest 2 girls, Mirian, 16, and Christina, 9. It is a boarding school so they will have a nice roof over their heads, a bed, and 3 meals a day, plus an education at a Christian school. It is our prayer that this will break the generations of poverty in their family and give them a chance at a bright future. It is our hope that it will keep them from helping the family make money in culturally acceptable, but terrible ways. This will also lessen the burden for Pauline by 2 mouths to feed. A one year education for one student costs $500. 

Third, Rashid will purchase a bred cow for the family. They have lush green land that will sustain a cow with no need for bought feed, so when the cow births her calf, they will have fresh milk for their family which will provide better nutrition than they've had in a long time. The cow will produce enough milk for them to sell a gallon or more a day too, which will provide them an income. And they will be able to sell the calf for more money than Pauline makes in a year and a half. A bred cow costs $400-$500. 

And if there is any money leftover, we asked Rashid to buy them some chickens. 

Mirian -16, Grandma, Ezekial -7, Pauline, Catherine -5, and Christina -9

So, we got an email from Rashid yesterday. He visited Pauline and the family after church to tell them that her girls are going to school and she is getting a cow and some chickens. He said she was overwhelmed. He wrote down the the names and ages of the 4 kids at home and sent them to us because we wanted to know them. 

My heart hurts for them. Catherine is 5 years old and is HIV positive and Jonathan remembers that she was no bigger than Elsie. Elsie is tiny for her age. Elsie is 3.5 years old but just now fits in 2 year old clothing. Christina is 9 and she is going to the orphanage on February 1. The first weekend in February I'll be getting ready for a Superbowl party. And counting my calories. And snowboarding. Gosh, life is conflicted. Don't get me wrong. I don't think I'm not supposed to enjoy life and what God has given me. I do love my life and I try to live it full. I love my Dyson vacuum and board games and fresh produce and movie nights. And I know each of these are gifts from my Maker. I'm just trying to figure out how to share what has been given to me. I have been entrusted with much much. I want to be faithful in what I can give back.  

I want to fly over there and build her house and give them a couple of clean new outfits and build them a chicken coop so that the chickens that they desperately need don't have to live in their house...pooping on their beds....spots on the floor. I want to buy them milk jars and lids and a big bucket so that they can milk their cow and sell it to the village. I want them to have an outhouse because right now they squat in the woods. All of this would cost $6,000 to build. SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS! That's it.

How do I raise money for this? Any ideas? I want to do this stuff now. I want to hug all of them and tell them that Jesus loves them and created them and died and rose for them. I want them to know Jesus....I don't know if they do. I want Pauline's life to get better so that she can keep her children. Sometimes the crazy thought of taking all of her children pops into my already lost mind. But then I remember that children are a blessing from the Lord and if she can, I want Pauline to experience that. If she can feed them and house them and love them well, I want her to be able to do that. My part is to love her as best as I can. Any chance God is calling you to help? E.V.E.R.Y.  P.E.N.N.Y  H.E.L.P.S. and every idea to raise this money helps too. Can you imagine changing a family's life forever? Not just giving them a meal, or a bag of beans, but giving them the tools to walk out of killing poverty and into a life that can focus on something other than survival. Through prayer, through ideas and through money we can do this. And we will be able to see the progress. Rashid will send pictures when he can. And we will be able to tell Elsie and Ki that we loved them all the way to the moon and back. 

Not What You Are Wanting

I'm not sure why I can't bring myself to blog more lately. Yes, I'm busy, but gosh, 6 isn't that many more than 4. It is not that I don't have stories to tell, because I do. I ask myself almost daily why I don't want to sit down and share what is our normal...or not so normal now, but I just can't figure it out. And I know that is leaving a few faithful followers (of our journey) in the dust. Please know that is not my intention. I guess I'm just feeling extra introverted lately. I think the closest I get to why is that everyone has different expectation of how I'm handling it all and how I'm feeling about it all and want me to name everything that is happening. Or at least I think they have expectations. :) I'm pretty simple minded about all of this. God asked us to do this thing. We did it. And now I'm kind of in survival mode. I'm not good at naming all my kids' needs or hurts or personalities. Right now I feel like I'm floating through this. I'm feeding them, hugging them, apologizing to them, cleaning up after them, playing with them and loving them imperfectly, but as well as I can. I guess I just need to come to peace with the fact that I can't answer all of your questions and that is okay. But I can share. I can't really define good, but we are good. Life is good. Life is hard. Life is fun. Life is full. Life is sad. But life is good.
And I know that is not exactly what you guys are waiting to here. I know you want details and I'm going to try to do that. I'm sorry it is taking time. I need grace. :)