Bigger Than The Big

Yesterday was a bad day. I was so frazzled about this letter from my doctor that life just felt...I don't know....yuck. And then I was thinking, "If I can't handle the waiting right now...and we aren't even accepted yet, how can I do this for up to two years?????" I prayed a lot. I read my Bible a lot. Jonathan prayed for me. I told the kids to pray for the doctor.
I didn't shut down as a mother completely. We made pinch pot turkeys out of clay and did some oil pastel turkeys and read from The Mayflower Compact and ended the night with a Mickey Mouse puzzle. Plus, we did our "3 days until Thanksgiving Prep" cooking and oh, we made our annual Thanksgiving tree. I'm actually pretty impressed now that I see all that written down. On the inside though, I was a wreck. But the Lord sustained me. I went to bed hopeful of a different kind of day.
When I awoke this morning, it didn't really feel different. But as my father-in-law used to chant cheerfully each morning...Feet on the floor!!! It's a good day!!! I knew I had to just start moving.
Another thing that was eating away at me yesterday was that I forgot to pick up my prescription in town on Sunday when we were there. I HATE WHEN I DO THAT. I thought I was going to have a stay-at-home kind of week and now I had to pack up my kids and spend $15 on gas to go pick up meds that were, in my mind, keeping me from finishing this application process with our agency because I didn't have this letter from my doc. Arrrrggggg. I wanted to be working on my "2 days until Thanksgiving Prep" cooking and painting the pinch pot turkeys from the day before. As I was typing I realized I could go on and on about all the things that happen yesterday to make today really daunting when I was trying to get out of bed, so I will jump to something happier.
I grabbed my phone before I got up and saw an email from a friend whom I have labeled my Adoption Cheerleader (you know who you are). It was a pep-talk for the day and permission to have bad, hard days. It really was just what I needed. I called Jonathan and he offered to go to town for me. So sweet. So, I asked him if he would just let my rambunctious, has-so-much-energy-he-could-burst 6 year old stay with him for the day and I would get the things on his list. And he agreed. By this point, I was smiling a bit more. Then on my way to town, I ended up dropping my oldest at her bff's house to play for the day. Wow. Down to half of the children. I didn't get too excited though because we had a LONG list of places to hit.
But everything changed as we were loading up the car after the first stop. The kids were buckling in and my phone rang. And it was the call I had been waiting for!!
My doc.
And the letter was ready.
Wow.
I told her I would be there in just a little bit and said, "Thank you SO MUCH." The "so much" seemed to give her a little giggle, but I was HAPPY and SO THANKFUL. My eyes filled tears. And it felt like I could breath again. Life was going to be okay. (Of coarse life was going to be okay. I knew that but it sure didn't feel like it.) I pushed all errands back and headed to her office. I called my honey and I called my cheerleader. God had provided. Duh. He always does. And if that wasn't enough, He wowed me with a few more "little" things today.
He is bigger than the big things and He is bigger than the small things. And He doesn't want just to mark things off His list and be done with us. He wants to wow us. Thank You, Lord.
Here's to one more baby step in the right direction, as said by my friend Laura when I picked up my oldest on the way home.

Not In My Hands

I heard from Sara today..from our agency. She said we are still in the application process. As soon as she gets the letter from my doctor then she can submit our application for final approval. (I need the letter because I'm take certain meds. My doc needs to verify that I am basically not insane.) So, that means we are waiting on my doctor. They have a hard time getting my refills called in on time, so I'm a little worried...worried is not the word, but I can't think of a better one right now...that this might take a while. I requested the letter on Tuesday. I'm praying and I'm asking you to pray that she will get the letter done tomorrow.
I was in town today and wanted to stop in her office and just follow up. I didn't know whether I should be still and wait on the Lord (and pray my hiney off) or if I should actively pursue (and pray my hiney off). I drove past her office a couple of times but never felt like I got a green light to stop in. It's hard to discern those things. I think I'm going to call tomorrow morning just to ask if my doc has any questions.
I enjoyed my conversations with the Lord today. I know He hears me. And I want to hear Him.
His time. It will happen in His time.

Rewind

I started this blog post last Saturday and life has just gotten away from me. I thought about just scraping it, but God was at work and I want that documented. So, from last Saturday...
Each morning for the past week, I have woken up and grabbed my phone hoping to find an email from the agency and to no avail. On Friday morning, it was no different. And I started to throw a mini pity party. Not out loud or visibly but in my heart and head. After I fed the kids breakfast, I hopped in the shower. While in there I prayed that God would let me know that something, anything was happening...Oh, and TODAY....Please. Later the whole fam was in the car, driving to pick up our goats from the breeding farm (yes, we will have maybe 4 new goat kids in April). I was telling Jonathan about my pity party in the shower and my phone dinged with an email. IT WAS FROM HER!!!! Her is Sara. She is the Intake Director with our agency. Here is her first line...
"It was great to receive your full application!  I am excited to move forward with you in the application process."
Yea!!!! I'm not clear on if we are full-blown accepted or if we are just moving forward in deciding if we are accepted but it is a step in the right direction.
The greatest piece of all of this is that God is working and answering. And He cares about me. I KNOW He has told us to do this but I don't know the ending. Only He does. My friends recently adopted and started down the foster to adopt path and then ended up adopting from a crisis pregnancy. Amazing. A friend of a friend started down the local adoption path and ended up getting their son from Uganda. Amazing. I don't know if we all hope that our made-up ending is the right one. But we do. Lord, we would love a sibling set from Honduras...Oh, and by 2012....Please.

Bad Radio

So, I think I have mentioned a couple of times that God has confirmed to us that adoption is for us and Honduras is the place. The last confirmation Jonathan received before we began the process was a little strange. Jonathan was doing paperwork in his office and was listening to one of his favorite radio shows: Bad Radio with Bob and Dan. It is on The Ticket, the sports talk radio station in Dallas. Jonathan listens to it with an app on his phone or over the World Wide Web. It's really not the place he thinks to go when he wants to hear from God, if you know what I mean. But, we have learned that God will use just about anything. Here is the link to Bob Sturm's blog post that he was talking about that morning on the radio. Unbeknownst to Jonathan, Bob had just gotten back from picking up his adopted son from Honduras.

File Folder

I'm not sure what I'm going to write about tonight, but I felt like I should. A couple of people have asked me if there was anything new. There's not. The agency said it would be around 10 business days. That means around November 15 we should hear from them. I do hope it is before then.
I've prayed for our unknown kids a lot today. I do wonder how many there are. And whether it will be boys or girls or both. I prayed that they will have a peace from God that they will be kept together. That being separated from their siblings won't weigh heavy on their hearts. I also prayed that someone who has contact with them knows Jesus. And talks about Him. I hope there are happy moments in their days like playing outside and laughing with others and getting a hug.
Jonathan and I were talking recently and he made a great point. He said that our new children should feel so at home with other kids in the house. They have probably lived in an orphanage and are used to friends around. It might feel weird being the only little ones around. I can't wait to see our kids love on their new siblings.
I bought an accordion file folder today. A friend who has adopted internationally told me to get one before the paperwork starts piling up. I picked one that is small enough to travel with but has 13 slots. I think I'm excited about it because it is the first real object I can hold that has anything to do with the adoption. I like truth to have form. Form enough to touch and hold. I guess I'm going from a file folder to hopefully real live kids. God's kids. Our kids. Can't wait.

I did it...

So I did it. It is out of my hands…until they ask for the next thing. It made me smile, hitting send. We will see what tomorrow holds.

Live Now

So, it’s been a week of just about nothing. I’ve been praying about the adoption a lot and thinking about it, but not much on-the-ground work has been accomplished. I have been waiting on a break down of our compensation package from the ranch accountant. The first time I emailed him last week I didn’t hear back from him. I didn’t want to be THAT person that can’t wait my turn in line so I waited two days until I sent a follow up email asking if he got my first one. He didn’t. It went into his junk folder. So I feel like it was two days wasted but that breaks from the idea that God is in the details. Anyway, I got the awaited document this morning and quickly forwarded it to the agency to make sure we pass. And we did. And all I wanted to do was drop everything and fill out the application. But, life happens and I don’t want to miss now. So, the kids and I worked on school, made some homemade tomato sauce from some of the last of our crop, baked rolls for dinner, and most importantly I made good on the promise of carving pumpkins. I gathered the kids out front and cut the heads off their pumpkins. I read The Parable of the Pumpkin Patch to them which turns carving pumpkins into something very spiritual. They scraped out the pulp, which of coarse, parallels with our yucky sin. And we had a fun time separating the seeds from the pulp and getting them ready for daddy. Daddy is the all-time best pumpkin seed roaster. When he got home he made his secret pumpkin seed sauce, and we ate our soup and rolls and read a story on angels and then strolled up to the goats as a family. We talked about gravity and mass and light and how fast we are moving on this revolving and orbiting planet. Then after we wandered back in the dark, we drew faces on our pumpkins, carved them, and set the light to shine from them…another spiritual inference . When we finished with our picture taking, the pumpkin seeds were done so we had a bedtime snack.
If I would have sat in the recliner all evening filling out the application, which is what I thought I wanted to do, then I would have missed all of that. I’m glad I chose to live now. The application still got filled out and I am only waiting on a response from BlueCross BlueShield letting me know if they will cover our adopted children as they did our biological ones. Hopefully sometime tomorrow I will hit send. It seems like that is another “start date” for this adoption. One could argue that the start date was back in 1995 when God revealed to my husband that he would someday have Honduran children. Or maybe last spring when God stirred it in his heart again. Or maybe the day I picked an agency. Or maybe tomorrow when I send this application off. No…The day we hear from them that we are accepted as their clients I think will be the official start date. But, I’m sure there will be at least a few more start dates. Like the date our dossier is finished and sent to Honduras, or the day we get the call with picture of our kids, or the day we get to meet them, or the day we bring them home. I guess all of those dates are a start to something. I really have no idea what we are getting into here. I can’t wait to see the ending. I wonder what date that will be.