He Calls us to Him

There is a difference in knowing something is going to happen and actually experiencing it happening.
I know God has asked us to do this. I know He is going to provide the strength, the finished paperwork, the emotional support and the funds. I know this because of verses in the Bible that tell me so.

Isaiah 40: 31 "..yet those who hope in the Lord will gain new strength; he will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." He promises not to leave us. In Proverbs He promises if we trust in Him and lean not on our own understanding (even when His plan doesn't make sense...like a family of four young children having more) He will make our paths straight. I know these things because by the grace of God, I've been shown His Word and I trust it.

But back to actually experiencing it. Today as I was leaving for town to get the kids TB tests checked, I stopped to check the mail. There were two small envelopes in the box. Two small envelopes that contained God's blessing. I knew that God was going to provide, but when it happens it continues to blow me away. It  is a humbling experience for others to want to be apart of what God is doing in our little family. Tears came to my eyes and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops. I wanted to just hold the envelopes to my chest and smile. I wanted to cry. And I wanted to sing. I wanted to say thank you to the Lord. I wanted to say thank you to the senders. My mind was whirling. It was another confirmation of God's direction for us.

As I drove, I was listening to my iPod. When I Survey The Wonderful Cross came on, actually it was the new version The Wonderous Cross I guess.  I was kind of listening and kind of thinking. But the song had my full attention when it got to this verse:

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

And then the first part of the Chorus:

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live

After Jonathan told me that it was time to start this I was excited. But I'd be lying if didn't admit to doubts. The thought "Why are we going to chance messing up a good thing? We have a good thing going." But Jonathan's wise reply was that God didn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to Him. I don't have that doubt near as much, but I don't know if on this side of this adoption if it will go away completely. This song though, erased the doubt for today. Issac Watts (the writer of the verse above) expressed that if we could give back all of the world to God, that it would not even begin to be enough of a thanks offering to God. I can't offer the whole realm of nature, but I can offer my life. My comfortable, lovely, amazing life to Him who gave it to me. His love, His divine love demands my soul, my life. All of it. The cross of Jesus is asking me to come and die so that I may live. Live the full, abundant life. It is a risk I have taken in the past and a risk I will take again. And He never stops amazing me.

Each time God provides another piece, whether a good home study visit, or a doctor willing and smiling through 6 physicals, blood tests, and forms, or funds coming in, or a Pyschologist (that my mother-in-law called for me) calling to confirm a quickly coming date for an appointment...any of these pieces that are just falling together so perfectly, I want to celebrate. I think "we should go out to dinner!" But, gosh, they are happening too often to celebrate like that. So, instead of dining out, we pray. We pray as a family and thank God for His provisions. We marvel at His goodness and honestly, sometimes we question His willingness to use us in this way. But we trust Him through those doubts and will continue to seek Him.